now, if i had any sense of wisdom - the wisdom i am often told i possess - i would have understood by now what my limits are and how to appropriately communicate them.



it's funny how your life sends you through the same loops twice on random occasions. and then you are brought to realize how little / lot you have changed. and maybe that lack of change is not necessarily a bad thing, you know, because you are finally getting to be more grounded, more in touch with your real self. but then that also allows you to identify your limitations more clearly, which is again not a bad thing in itself.

sometimes i wish i could care less. i honestly wish i could. i remember thinking years ago how assholes really had it a lot easier sometimes because they never had to worry about falling short of other people's expectations. people would just assume that they would and excuse them when they did. i quickly came to the conclusion that i would never find inner peace in that role, though. that the temporary discomfort i experience when i compromise myself for whatever pseudo-caring objective i have is nothing compared to the alienation that people who do not care experience on a daily basis.

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from my desk, i can look out the window and see sharp little snowflakes falling from the sky. not those big slow ones that twirl and stick together before hitting the ground, but the smaller harder ones pushed around in all directions by a strong northern wind. the ground will soon be covered with beautiful whiteness. a beautiful white canvas for us to decide what to paint on. a fresh sheet of paper for kind words to be carved in until another storm comes to cover them.